IT’S THE AWAY WIN CRYSTAL BALL!

Fancy a flutter on the coming season? Do you require some expert advice on where to place your money? Then turn the page, because unless you fancy betting on Scolari’s tantrums, Hull winning the Premier League or Anne Diamond turning up at Luton, our crystal ball is not likely to rake in the cash. Though you never know…

Scotland

A heroic quadruple turned into a pretty disappointing double last season for Rangers, as they lost out to old pals Celtic in the League and lost in the final of the UEFA Cup. But they’ve signed Kenny Miller back from Derby so they’re certain to clean up this time. Aren’t they? Stop laughing Celtic fans…

Premier League

One thing is for certain this season; Chelsea’s new gaffer will get angry. Very angry. He’s already upset with the tabloids for calling him “Big Phil Scolari”, insisting that his name is spelt Felipe. Sorry Phil. Though once the new season begins he’ll have a few bigger things to worry about. Like rival managers Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger. Apparently Wenger also gets angry if you shorten his name. Understandably. As for who’ll win the league? Hull....

Championship

QPR are the bookies’ favourite to be promoted this year, now that they are the “Chelsea of the Championship”. They’re based in London, have wealthy foreign owners and have splashed the cash this summer. Thought that’s not where the comparisons end. Like Scolari, Iain Dowie is a manager that you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. Or a floodlit one either to be honest…

League One

Forget betting on who will win League One this year, for real entertainment, stick a tenner on Milan Mandaric going through another six managers at Leicester this season. His managers’ handbook must be as well thumbed as the first copy of the Bible. Elsewhere Leeds experience the luxury of beginning a season without an asterisk by their name. What will Ken Bates have to moan about?

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Heroes and zeroes in July

It's been a good month for

Wayne Bridge
He never plays, never has to do anything but still gets a four-year 60K a week contract. Can't be bad?

Ronaldinho
Who'd have thought a tubby Ali G impersonator could land such a good deal at AC Milan?

Michael Ballack
After a season of heartache, Ballack finally had some good times this month when he married his girlfriend Simone.

It's not been such a good month for

 

Ronaldo
The Brazilian striker was snapped on his holiday sporting a gut bigger than a Teletubby.

Arsenal
Alexander Hleb and Gilberto have gone. Is Emmanuel Adebayor next to leave the Gooners?

Simon Jordan
The Crystal Palace owner has had enough with the game and wants out of football.

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